A widely held misconception is that adolescent immaturity is the sole reason for annoyance at parents, or negative reactions to some things they do. Admittedly, this isn't completely false. Teenagers, still in the developing stages, have not experienced, lived through, or understood as wide a range of things as adults. But being logical and comprehensive here, there has to be an objective definition and judgement before, making these statements. There are the exceptions, those small, pubescent beings who present the same levelheadedness and wisdom as fully grown adults. Most teenagers lash out sporadically because of a lack of understanding, an inability to process and an emotional/mental bias and obstruction. This bias is due to the barrier created between teen and adult. From an early age, adults are put on a pedestal, so teenagers can only want to differentiate themselves from such a "superior" species. You see, being told what to do by an adult brings on feelings of inferiority and powerlessness, something teenagers spend innumerable amounts of time trying to dodge. The aura of ascendancy an adult gives off is ubiquitous. There are some ticks that even the most objective and considerate individual cannot fathom, and ends up attributing the wrong cause to. Everything is cause and effect. The effect, in this particular situation, is the reaction expressed or mentality had due to what happened previously. A consequent happening.
As a 13 year old, I suppose my opinion and psychological/analytical acumen may be perceived as biased or discriminating. Well, truthfully, I am as objective as you'll get on this. Im fatigued of having to observe various so-called teen-psychology virtuosos kid parents about the faults and miscalculations they are making and trying to explain how teenagers have a short temper, cannot understand anything and need SO MUCH PATIENCE. There is a right and wrong in everything. Even opinion. Thinking beating your children should be encouraged is a wrong opinion. Endorsing torture is wrong. And when it comes to the psychosis of a pubescent individual: its the same thing. It's important to address the more prevalent issues first, and to instill a sense of comprehension.
As a parent, you have to know that your approach to resolving an altercation between you and your child cannot be approached as long as you are a emotional-judgment dilettante. First, let's assume that there is a current disputation occurring between you and your child, perhaps a squabble over something they want but that you have previously disagreed to and has now lead to an amazing amount of hostility. What you want to do is commence by assuaging the situation with perhaps a comment suggesting the possibility for negotiation or a strong stand with a reasonable and coherent explanation. The suggestion of an alternative or agreement gives hope, and levels you and them: this alleviates the previous feel of unbalanced superiority and power. Then take your stand and offer an ultimatum: either you agree or it goes back to what it was before. The child, perhaps still in emotions of discontent, is more likely to just agree and leave it there. Its not a battle lost: just almost won. There will be discontent: but no resentment. Resentment is an emotion you never want to ingrain within your relationship as it creates distance, blame and long-term accusations. It brands you. The one who never does this, always does that tralalalala. Negotiation means flexibility, it translates into open-mindedness. Perhaps your child will then attempt to input opinion and try and take part in the negotiation. Accept this and always remain objective to discussion and explanation. Blocking off negotiation is not negotiation. Do not falter or hesitate to draw limits as you have no idea how this facilitates you taking the role of dummy. Assert yourself always but prevail as an nondiscriminatory enforcer.
The other option that one may resort to is the final decision. This leaves no space to intercede or mediate and obstructs your teen to commence arbitrating what you have stipulated. There are certain outcomes you must be prepared for. Knowing to engage in verbal contests and just shutting off all conversation cannot be an option. An explanation is most important. In order to establish a rule, or to put your foot down, the judgment and decision needs to come across as fair. Teenagers attach a lot of importance to lawful and justified actions coming from adults. Already there are so many preconceptions regarding the true motivation of adults (whether its to be mean or its to be mean.) An explication and/or a clarification will NOT alleviate the hostility and anger, but instill a sense of disgruntled comprehension. Do not put emphasis on being the "vanquisher" or being the one with the all the power. This behavior will lead to your child holding grudges against you, feeling inferior and perhaps rebelling against this "oppression"
Many parents do not accord much importance to being just and calm with a child. Supporting an unperturbed appearance and acting in a composed, (phlegmatic) manner will not only convey confidence on your part but establish that you and your child are not adversaries. Never avoid conflict or let your child internalize disputes or feelings of resentment or indignation. In order to satisfactorily resolve altercations and quarrels with your child, it is imperative that: you remain open-minded and encourage discussion, give opportunities to compromise and offer continual explanations and justifications. Having an ego when you are a parent will never be an aid to you as I assure you, your teenager has a bigger one.
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